vagibond

crazy dream #01

2004-09-21T14:10:00.000+01:00

barry osbourne, the producer of the lord of the rings movies, was in my dream last night. dunno what he was doing there, but i remember looking up at his ruddy rugged old white-bearded face talking back over his shoulder at me as he left, as i turned to the shaved pussy i was about to stick my cock into. the owner of the pussy was explaining how she had a sexually transmitted disease which had begun as separate infections in the four piercings around her mound - one through her clit, and then, completing a cross across her cunt, three others mounted with sparkly gems that just protruded from the flesh. once i came inside her i pulled out my cock and sucked it clean. then realised the implication of being able to do that and did it some more. then i woke up and fucked tricia before rushing to work.

hyper crazy critique

2004-08-19T13:47:00.000+01:00

on the one hand, i readily acknowledge that i'm a slut. and not just when it comes to sex - i want all pleasures, all the time. if i was the man of [p]liesure i'd really like to be, perhaps i'd spend my daze tripping on a cocktail of illegal drugs, sipping on a cocktail of legal ones, immersed in audio-visual pyrotechnic entertainment, while i and a selection of delictable dishes take turns devouring each other - i guess i'm dreaming of a life-long, full-sensory orgasm.

but on the other hand, i'm very picky, critical, even snobbish. i'm not very tolerant of inadequacy or imperfection. i hold others to very high standards, which those around me must realise i don't always apply to myself. but that's easy to explain, because just like you i'm that thing we all hate: a hyopcrite. and in a kind of post-modern, self-psychoanalytical kind of way, hypocrisy is just another thing that i revel in myself, yet revile in others.

good old fashioned romance

2004-08-16T14:13:00.000+01:00

people are often quite cynical when i tell them i'm in love. some even go as far as to suggest that i'm incapable of love. if only they knew the truth - i fall in love sometimes as often as several times a day.

i was walking to lunch with a couple of friends from work, relating how i'd met my most recent one and only true love - a radio dj i met in the park over the weekend - when a genuine miracle of nature came walking in the other direction, and turned my whole world on its head.

she was r33t petite, with perfect olive skin, and a pair of small, firm, unsupported breasts which were clearly visible through her thin cotton blouse.now i don't know who i'm in love with anymore.

no, i'm not an old-fashioned romantic. i'm much more old-fashioned than romantic. more like club her on the head and drag her back to the cave.

my old man (poem)

2004-07-22T18:08:00.000+01:00

my old man, he played one
he played nick-nack with my mum
with a nick-nack paddy-whack give the dog a bone
baby died before it ever got home

my old man, he played two
the baby's dead, so let's just screw
with a nick-nack paddy-whack give the dog a stick
my old man can't control his dick

my old man, he played three
wasn't enough they'd just had me
with a nick-nack paddy-whack throw the dog a ball
next one's out before the last learned to crawl

my old man he played four
these kids suck - let's make more
with a nick-nack paddy-whack give the dog a bone
my old man ran crying home

wendy

2004-06-15T23:16:00.000+01:00

ok, this girl is too much. she paints her eyes like a panda and her skin with that fudge tan from a can. she smokes more weed than i do. she takes more pills than i do. she does less work than i do. her mind is so intensely occupied thinking about herself, that she only casts her senses far enough to confirm her paranoid notions of what other people think of her, and is otherwise completely oblivious to the broader marvels of existence.

over the weekend as we strolled down the beach to find some shelter to light a j she asked me: "those clouds up there are moving really fast; is that to do with the wind?"

she just arrived in town a month ago, but has made a big impact on the social scene already. all the bar tenders know her. i think she's going for the djs next.

but in the meantime, my greedy eyes' sparkle has ensnared her. because she's moved in around the corner from me, and because my car is no longer legal to drive to work, i've been spending a bit of time with her.

oh, and it's also because i can't decide if i want to fuck her or not. you know what they say about mopeds? "they're fun to ride as long as your friends don't find out".

that said, she is a great party-play-mate, and generous.

she's planning a big party next weekend. i suspect it's gonna be one of those parties that everyone shows up to because they know something crazy's gonna happen.

tara (at)tempted

2004-06-05T13:02:00.000+01:00

i think it was about ten days ago, tara wore this satiny pink blouse to work. i sent her an email complimenting the top, but chiding her for wearing a bra under it, since the straps were showing. she told me it would be bordering on pornographic if she didn't wera a bra with that top.

last night i was to meet her at a quiet lounge bar in town. when i walked in, a few minutes late, i spotted her sitting on a stool at the bar, legs crossed in a short skirt, the same top, and this time: no bra straps visible. i kissed her cheek and stepped back to look her up and down, but my eyes became stuck firmly on her chest - the same way her amazing breasts are. perfectly pert, nipples erect, every hidden detail magically accentuated by the delicate clinging pink fabric.

we sat there for several hours, drinking cocktails and talking about why she should break up with her boyfriend. by the time the staff turned up the lights to chase us out, we were the only two customers left, our legs entangled with each others', entangled in each others' stool legs.

she had to get home to her boyfriend and i was supposed to go to a friend's late night birthday party, so we kissed and parted, promising to do it again soon.

i started off towards the birthday party, but changed my mind at the bottom of charlie's street, and walked up the hill to appease my hard-on.

plenty of fish in the sea

2004-06-04T14:36:00.000+01:00

when i was a teenager i came up with an extension to the rather clichéd metaphor of fish as lovers:

there are two basic approaches to catching a particular kind of fish. the first is to develop a specific technique, tailored to the fish you are after; a lure that is particularly attractive to that fish or a method of fishing that relies on specific knowledge of the behaviour of that fish to maximise the chances of catching one.

the other approach is to drag a giant drift-net throughout the world's oceans, and throw away all the fish you don't like.

tara

2004-06-02T17:31:00.000+01:00

tara is a stunning new girl who's been on the reception desk at work for a couple of weeks now. the previous receptionist still works in the same company and is still on my hitlist, but i think i can get into tara's knickers quicker.

we have these security cards which you swipe over a scanner to get into the building, but they only work at the employee entrance. since the company adopted a policy of hiring beautiful receptionists, i prefer to use the main entrance, via reception. this door is unlocked electronically by the receptionist from her desk.

the front of the building is one-way mirror, so the receptionist usually has plenty of warning of anyone approaching the door, but somehow i usually seem to manage to avoid tara's attention until i am at the door. the fact that i almost always have to ring the bell to get in has sparked an ongoing light-hearted repartee between us.

today she asked me why i didn't just use the employee entrance like everyone else, and i replied that if i did that i wouldn't get to see her. she was obviously flattered, and sent me an email afterwards that she hoped i'd continue using the main entrance. i replied that i'd use whatever entrance she'd open up for me, and the exchange has only gotten smuttier from there. she just sent me a collection of lesbian porn pictures and agreed to go out for a drink on friday.

charlie's in charge

2004-05-28T16:57:00.000+01:00

funny thing: even though i'd seen her completely naked in morning sunlight twice in the past week, charlie again turned off all the lights before taking her clothes off last night. she shaves her legs and even takes the time to trim her pubes in the morning if she knows she's seeing me that night. but she's still shy about being seen by me - despite our relationship having no substance other than sex.

she is fun to fuck. and in the dark it's even easier to imagine she's barely old enough than when i see her in the morning, innocently naked, wrapped in crumpled bedsheets.

last night i really went to town eating her sweet pussy. she came several times over, but when i asked her to return the favour it was the word "no" she choked on, answering instead with an almost invisible, inaudible headshake.

but a little later, with her tongue in my ear and her little fingers clasping my balls, my cock exploded inside her tight cunt in such an intense orgasm that my back seized up and incapacitated me until i fell asleep.

i made her late for work this morning with a repeat performance.

fooling in love

2004-05-22T13:16:00.000+01:00

i first met nicola and her big (yet equally small) sister at a beach resort last summer. earlier this week she and some of her school friends joined up with some other people that were at the same resort at the same time, and they all arrived in town on thursday.

i met nicola in the park near my place on friday night. she looks even better as a 19 year old than she did at 18. she'd never really flirted with me when her sister or my girlfriend were around, but whenever it had been just the two of us she was much more friendly. however on friday, slightly drunk and mildly stoned, i read nothing besides the setting sun sparkling in her green eyes.

we met up with the others and went to the same clubs that all the other tourists in town were at. the only thing i like less than tourists and the clubs they hang out at, is the music that gets played at the clubs that tourists hang out at. one of nicola's friends was being increasingly amorous towards me, but i wasn't showing any interest at all. partly because i wasn't very interested, and partly (as the alcohol gradually increased my interest) just in case there was a chance to have nicola herself. (or by way of back-up, sarah, someone's cute red-headed 20-something sister)

tony, one of the guys who'd been at the beach with us last summer, was being pretty flirtacious all round, and was dancing with the girls. he came over to me and said "what's wrong? grab a girl. have fun." so i told him that old anecdote about the two bulls:

there was a young bull and an old bull standing on a hill, surveying the herd. the young bull says to the old bull "let's run down there and fuck one of those cows". to which the old bull replies "no. let's walk down and fuck them all"

that was my second mistake. the third mistake was to go on and brag about my recent success in the sexual arena. my fourth mistake was to go off and roll a big doobie.

the first mistake, incidentally, was thinking i ever had a chance to fuck nicola.

so while i was in the bathroom rolling a joint, tony told nicola what i'd told him. then as we passed it around, she started paying me more and more attention. by the time i was thoroughly stoned, she was tossing her hair around and running her fingers across her chest, teasing her blouse open and bucking her hips just like she knew i'd like. i kept on playing it cool, smiling and rolling my eyes at sarah every now and then, as if to say "hah! look at this silly little girl". then i went to the bar and when i came back i stayed a little way apart from her. but her movements were mesmerising and eventually, entranced, i pushed past a couple of others in the group towards her.

with immaculate timing, she looked straight at me, then turned away and walked towards tony.

i was feeling pretty humiliated, and only knew one way to respond. i immediately turned my focus towards the girls outside our circle, and over the next 5 minutes, just through body movement and fleeting eye contact, i tempted three of them to join our group to dance with me, only to completely ignore them once they'd done so. tony made a joke suggesting he thought i was failing to score these girls, but i could tell from nicola's face that she knew i was just showing off.

not long after that i told her i was leaving, and she asked to share a cab.

charlie's an angel

2004-05-20T09:42:00.000+01:00

actually i didn't withdraw. charlie's on the pill, so i came twice, unsheathed inside her tight little red racing striped pussy.

we'd walked to the sushi bar together and it was clear from the first that there was something about to happen between us. an electrostatic field that had our hairs on end and our heart rates up; a tension in the air like the anticipation of lightning. enthralled in each others eyes, we crab-walked the whole way.

over nigiri & margaritas we talked an hour of fluff. then we left the bar and walked to the park. while we necked on a bench some stoned kids in a parked car shone a laser pointer at us. "fuck it, let's go back to your place" and so we did.

quietly, to not disturb her room-mates, she poured two glasses of water and led me to her room. turned off the lights, took off her clothes and climbed into bed, whispering "i never dreamed this could happen. i never thought i was good enough for you". it was so dark in there that as i climbed naked into the bed after her, i had no more idea what she looked like naked than i'd had 5 minutes earlier. even as my eyes adjusted to the dark, she was never more than a silhouette against black.

which really turned me on. discovering her by touch, reading the braille of her goose pimples with my fingers, reading her lips. her tiny nipples, barely raised from her chest. dextrous delicate fingers, hard tongue, hot mouth, velvet snatch.

the morning sunlight wasn't held back by the heavy curtains and i saw her body for the first time. in perfectly androgynous proportion, with a bejewelled banana bell in her belly button.

i think i'm gonna be able to sleep with her on-and-off for a long time without committment or boredom.

charlie

2004-05-19T11:04:00.000+01:00

when i first moved here a couple of years ago, i was doing some freelance work for the local branch of the company i'd been working for in the previous town. charlie was the secretary there, and i'd met her a year before that at a company conference. she seems less like the girl next door, more like her shy little sister. she has short reddish hair framing a pretty, freckled and bespectacled face.

ange had stayed behind for the first few months i was here, and i'd always flirted with charlie. we had lunch a couple of times, and then i innocently (?) emailed to ask her out one night. she replied that unfortunately she had a boyfriend, and isn't it always the way that when you wish you were single, you aren't. i emailed back that i had a partner, too, so totally understood what she meant about the inconvenience of being in a relationship when you fancy someone else.

at the time i wrote that email i remember thinking i'd just placed a deposit in the future fuck bank. it seems that the interest has accumulated in the ensuing years, and tonight i intend to make a withdrawal.

i emailed charlie two days ago, and somehow the fact that i'd recently broken up with ange slipped out. turns out her relationship finished recently, too. we're going to my favourite sushi restaraunt tonight. and then... i reckon to her place.

end of an error

2004-05-15T13:58:00.000+01:00

i broke up with ange.

i'd lost the nerve to do it by the end of my last entry, but when we started arguing this morning there was no longer a voice in my head advising restraint, and before i knew it i'd told her i thought it would be best if we didn't live together anymore. she didn't take it very well.

i offered to continue having sex. she politely declined. i pleaded to continue having sex. she declined less politely. she packed some stuff and went to stay with friends of ours.

i smoked a joint and watched porn.

hi honey, i'm home

2004-05-13T14:38:00.000+01:00

angela came back last night. i had intended to tell her about fucking
lisa, but i certainly wasn't going to tell her about accidentally
fucking cindy instead. so i got a fantastic "hi honey, i'm home"
blowjob. that left her wet and dying to be nailed - a desire i was
only too happy to fulfil.

we ended in one of our favourite positions with
her flat on her stomach, legs spread to splitting point, me on top,
pinning her wrists to the bed on either side of her shoulders, my cock
spurting spunk into her already sopping snatch.

i'm not sure if i am ready to break up with her after all.

the betrayal

2004-05-11T10:01:00.000+01:00

holy shit! this is unbelievable! i totally got laid last night - with totally the wrong person!

so let me take a few steps back. i have these married friends cindy and mike. they're about 10 to 15 years older than me. they live in this big old house with their two daughters and various (invariably female) tenants at various times. the daughters, at 16 and 18 are both stunning, but because of their ages, they should be strictly out of bounds. lisa, a bit-part tv actress is currently the only tenant. blonde, buxom and bubbly, she and i have always flirted, and have been known to get quite intimate dancing together at parties. her boyfriend is a bit of a loser, and she treats him with open contempt whenever i'm around. so when cindy invited me out to dinner with lisa, i couldn't help but think there was a chance to take things further. and with ange neither in my bed nor my heart last night, that was my plan.

but you know what they say about plans.

8pm came around and cindy knocks on my door. alone. apparently lisa wasn't feeling so well. i tried to hide my disappointment, but i realised cindy was quite drunk anyway. we went out to dinner, and i drank quickly to catch up with her. since my plan had gone to shit, i thought i might as well get loaded. i was so distracted that it took me almost the whole meal to realise that cindy was blatantly flirting with me. i wasn't flirting back at all, but as we left the restaraunt, she threw all caution to the wind.

"we could go to a bar... or we could go back to your place." and she squeezed my hand. (ange and) i live walking distance from everything in town, so it isn't unusual for groups of people to come back to our place for a drink or a joint in the middle or at the end of the evening. this clearly wasn't what she had in mind, but i played along as if it was. i still wasn't sure if i was reading things right, and even if i was, did i really want to fuck the wife of my friend? the mother of two teenage girls i have illicit crushes on?

as we walked back to my place she put her arm tightly around me. this was also not unusual, and if any of our friends had spotted us on the street they wouldn't have dreamed anything was up. but as soon as we got inside she blurted out a whole stream of stuff. i don't remember everything, but the gist of it was that we'd always been hot for each other, and she couldn't believe that we'd been so well behaved on group holidays. she knew things weren't going brilliantly with me and angela, and since angela was out of town she'd talked lisa into not coming out so that we could be alone.

then she went straight for my cock.

but it was not amazing sex. multiple-motherhood has left her body relatively unscathed, but astonishingly inexperienced. apparently mike just doesn't like fucking, so they haven't had sex many more times than they've conceived. i guess she lost her virginity to him, resulting in their oldest daughter, and her only other sexual partners ever were a one night stand with some random pair of twins. last night then, she was understandably both eager and inept. she undressed us both in a flurry, forgoing foreplay entirely, and dragged me into her nicely presented pussy. she was making so much noise the whole time, i don't know if she actually came, but i certainly didn't. she told me that you have to have sex with someone a lot of times before you can know whether or not you're compatible.

if that's the case, i'd rather not know.

angela

2004-05-10T11:20:00.000+01:00

i never imagined that i could last three years in a relationship. but i also never imagined enjoying fucking anyone as much as i enjoy fucking angela. she has a hot little body, perky tits, nimble fingers, a fiesty tongue and our appetites and tastes are totally aligned. she needs it as often as i do (as often as time permits). she's open to experimentation - to a point. we fooled around with one of her girlfriends once until i came over the other girl and jealousy overcame ange.

jealousy often overcomes ange. she kicked the shit out of my shins one time when i was being fondled by another girl on a drunken train trip. because we've been so open about our fantasies, she knows which of our female friends i want to fuck, and that makes for all kinds of awkward social situations. i no longer admit to being attracted to new girls we meet, but since the threesome thing isn't gonna fly, and since we live in such a small town, the only way for me to get to fuck other girls again is to ditch ange. and the only way i'm gonna be willing to do that is by proving to myself that i still remember how to score.

i wove a real spell to get into angela's bed the night we met, and i still don't quite know how it worked. i was not long out of a fiery relationship, tripping on acid in a bar, and saw her talking to a friend of mine. they'd shared an apartment a few years back, and he drunkenly thought that he might get into her pants, so hadn't introduced us. entranced, i walked straight up, said "i'm vagibond, by the way" and the rest is pretty much (soon-to-be) history. as we walked back to her place later on she suddenly stopped and faced me. "do you even know my name?". i knew for certain it was either "angela" or "andrea". a large part of the past three years of my life has been dictated by the mental coin toss that led me to guess "of course! angela."

vagibond

2004-05-10T10:41:00.000+01:00

i'm calling myself vagibond. you should be able to figure out why i spell it that way. you also be able to figure out why i have to use a pseudonym in the first place. and needless to say, all other names used in this blog are also made up.

some say i'm a misogynist or womaniser. kinder people call me a male slut, but i prefer to think of myself simply as a hedonist. anyway, i've been living with a beautiful, smart and sexually adept girl for nearly three years of nearly monogamy, but she's out of town for a few days and i'm gonna throw it all away tonight to fuck someone else against all better judgement.